Real Life Revelations

 

Disclaimer: "This blog, Southern Plum Blossom, is not an official site of the Fulbright Program or the U.S. Department of State. The views expressed on this site are entirely those of my own and do not represent the views of the Fulbright Program, the U.S. Department of State, or any of its partner organizations.

Sunset in Kinmen

Being on the other side of the world and taking a lengthy quest to figure out what my little life is about shares some nuggets of truth each day. I'll share a few.

The sun shines everyday. 

    Sometimes, the rain covers the sun, the clouds block sunlight, and the sky is dim and gray. The sun still shines during the rainy and cloudy days. As an idealistic realist, it helps to know that the sun remains the same. Some days we may not see it, but it's there. 

Grief lasts longer than a day.

    When I grieved my grandmother who passed when I was seven years old, I had heard the phrase, "Life goes on," more often than I wanted to hear it. The statement is true. Life does go on, yet grief lasts longer than 24 hours. Grief stays and shifts. Someday that sadness will turn into a form of contentment. I don't feel sad that she can't see how far I've come. Now, I carry her kindness to me and share it with others.

We find ways to cover up the fact we aren't okay.

    I can tell someone I am not okay, and they will tell me ways to cover up the fact I'm not okay. No amount of journals or capsules are going to change that fact, so why make waste of paper and pills? 

    Personally, I'm tired of dancing around it. I've seen most people dance around it to distract themselves, but I see it in their eyes that they're not okay. So, we all dance around and don't mention it. If we dance, we might seem okay.

There is a language that has no words that everyone understands.

    In some cases, that language is kindness, but I'm talking about a different language. I read a book by my school's pond, and some students passed by me. One of my second grade students came up to me and asked what I was doing in Mandarin, and I responded in English that I was reading a book. I had forgot that I had taught the second graders the word book, but hoped he understood as I showed him the cover. He looked at the cover, then left. A few minutes later, he returned. I showed him the page I just read. He peered at the words, and he said something in Mandarin. At this point, I had no choice but to share that I could not understand. In Mandarin, I said, "I don't understand Chinese." He repeated the phrase I said, then asked something. I repeated the last words of his question. I couldn't tell if he was asking about English or not, but then I realized that he was saying something about England. I responded in Mandarin, "America." He then nodded, said goodbye, and left again. 

    He was more engaged in this book than our class. It was quite funny because that was my first time to use the phrase, "I don't understand Chinese" to anyone on the island. I had assumed my students knew I didn't understand them, but they would still talk to me in Mandarin Chinese. Eventually, I'll understand some things. This phrase is one from the book I am reading where the little boy spoke Spanish and the merchant spoke Arabic, yet they were able to understand each other. 

Evening

You keep thinking the grass is greener when it's just grass.

    This is a rendition of something one of my professors told me as I was in the application process for the Fulbright. He was telling me that I keep thinking one profession was better than another, when each one has its pros and cons. He told me to pick one. Sure, there will be some things I like about it and some things I won't like about it. He shared how he liked working in the lab and meeting students, but he hated the paperwork he had to do. He still enjoys his job because that's what he chose, but he emphasized that there are things that aren't going to be as fun as the parts I like to do.

    I still think the grass is greener in some professions, but I know that it's only as green as I make it be. My co-teachers asked me why I chose here when I majored in math and creative writing and have aspirations of being an aerospace engineer. I told them I wanted to take a break from school and travel and hoped that this break would help me realize that I wanted to do that. I know I want to do something related to the space field, but I don't really want to go back to school yet.

    One co-teacher said, "But you're good at writing. Why not be a writer?" I shared that although I love writing, I don't write enough to make an income from it. I write poetry. If I wrote novels, then maybe I could be a writer, but I write poetry for small audiences.

    I have to find my grass and make it green, and maybe I'll plant flowers, too.