Disclaimer: "This blog, Southern Plum Blossom, is not an official site of the Fulbright Program or the U.S. Department of State. The views expressed on this site are entirely those of my own and do not represent the views of the Fulbright Program, the U.S. Department of State, or any of its partner organizations."
I tried teaching!
I tried teaching at an elementary school no less. It's June, and I'm less than a month away from the school year, the grant period, and my time in Kinmen concluding. I'm really proud of myself.
The Fulbright English Teaching Assistantship was my first full-time position outside of college. I've been trying to digest that my first job was outside of the US. Wow. I wrote a letter to myself, remarking on my journey throughout the grant period.
Who would have thought that I'd decide to come back to Mississippi after a year abroad? My family didn't expect it. I could feel them hold their breaths before I told them.
I left Mississippi because Mississippi felt like it was pushing me away. I realized that Mississippi wasn't pushing me away, but pushing me to grow. To grow elsewhere. In Kinmen, I recognized that it was a place of growth and nourishment. I was able to take a step back in my daily responsibilities in the US and live with the main responsibility of teaching. Through that, I became a much more resilient person. I felt my mental fortitude and elasticity come back! My time in Kinmen was much needed, and my time back in Mississippi will be much needed, too. I want to prune the growth I have made during my time here. A lot has happened in one year, to which I am grateful for the experience and the exchange. I chased my dreams! I explored parts of Taiwan by myself and with friends! I grew as an individual!
...living and teaching on an island...has really shaped my authenticity and individuality.
Being a foreigner on a remote island teaches you many things, and a blog won't do half of those lessons justice. The main lesson I learned is that I don't need to prove myself anymore. I have nothing left to prove. I have been learning to embrace my authenticity throughout my life and found a really great sense of it in college; but living and teaching on an island where the culture and language are different from my culture and language has really shaped my authenticity and individuality. I am a foreigner here-- adapted, but still a foreigner. Being the odd person in the room or in the school helped me to embrace my differences. People saw that and valued that I was honest and genuine and kind in how I embraced my differences and experienced my host community and environment.
Students of all types were able to connect with me through little drawings, hugs, kind words, or little gifts and origami lucky stars. My students were the highlights of my time teaching. I loved seeing how they perceived the world or the content I taught. It was eye-opening to see how young students interpret things, especially in a second language.
Since I'm leaving Kinmen soon, some of the people I've met and worked with have been giving pieces of advice and encouragement about my next steps. Most are educators, and they've asked if I liked teaching. I told them that I don't think teaching is for me at this time. My passion for education has not changed, but teaching is not the vocation that best fits my passion. They shared that it's good that I tried teaching and now have an idea of how teaching works. I found this opportunity heightened my appreciation for teachers and educators of young minds.
I asked one of my co-teachers for advice on picking the best decision for myself. He said that I should pick my preference. That was a radical thought to me. I knew from previous advice from mentors that keeping my options open was a great decision and that all of the options were good. I just needed to pick one. I had grown accustomed to choosing the most optimal or beneficial option for myself. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to pick my preference in spite of optimum or benefits. I had two main options: go back to Mississippi or continue with Fulbright Taiwan. Go back home without a job plan or stay in Taiwan with a job prepared for me.
I chose my preference. I turned in the survey form that asked for my decision of an English Teaching Fellow (ETF) Fulbright Taiwan grant. I chose to decline the offer. At the time, I wanted to go back home. Not in a defeated way, not in a boastful way either. I just needed to go home.
My definition of home is Mississippi. My definition of home is the space I live in whether it is a small rectangular room on the third floor of an apartment or a small square room on the backside of a yellow house. I know that wherever I go, I will find people who will become my friends and community. It's a blessing to be able to connect with people in spite of cultural differences. I've met people from Africa, Europe, Asia, Oceania, and North America. It's been a beautiful, bittersweet journey.
In my letter to myself, I wrote remarks of different aspects of my time in Kinmen. I share excerpts here:
I’ve found strength in being a foodie! Loving to try new foods and restaurants really helped me expand my horizons on this island in ways I didn’t expect. I made friends with some shop and restaurant owners because I would frequent their places often. I’ve found strength in being creative. Art, music, and writing are my three ways to be creative. They always come in clutch when I’m going through something. It was hard to be creative this year. Sometimes, I couldn’t find how to phrase what I wanted to say without it being too emotional. I couldn’t pick up the pen to create art ideas in my head. It was tough stuff, but I managed to be creative sometimes. Not as much as I expected, but at least there’s some work done. I’m proud of myself for even making art no matter how small they were.
One of the hardest things I had to face was coming to terms that I needed a community. That I actually like people and social interaction at times. I think that hit me like a truck crashing into a brick wall. I cried for a whole month straight because I really missed my community back home. I’m going back home after this and honestly I’m excited to be surrounded by my family and friends, but I’m also a little shy about how much I’ve changed. I’m more interested in my goals to travel cross-country and live life a bit more fully. I’m tired of letting my circumstances stop me from reaching my goals. I can change my reality, I can be proactive in my own story. I don’t have to wait for something to change. I can make something happen. It’s a lot of power to withhold– it’s exciting and terrifying to realize I have that inside me. I believe I will hold fast to the growth I’ve made in Kinmen and use and reshape it in the US. I really do believe it. I have to hold onto it. I can’t fall back into the rhythm I had before I left. I’ve changed and changed quite drastically at that.
So, was it brave as everyone here had kept saying about me traveling to Kinmen? It kinda was. It was brave to come across the Pacific Ocean with no social or familial ties to Kinmen, no language proficiency worth anything, no money for real, not a clue but a big idea that I was going to make it and be okay. I’m just glad God kept me through it all. It was tough, but God showed me that I’m tougher than I think. This skinny, sensitive girl made it long-term living and working abroad. Yeah, I did that.
To end the blog, I will leave a quote from my letter: Trust that it will all work out for me in a matter of time. Good things come, and sad moments pass. God will provide.
To more beautiful journeys ahead,
Brittany
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