Delayed, Not Denied - Learning to Pivot

 

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The main adjustment was from student to teacher. It had only been a little over a week since I landed here. Work started the third day after my arrival. I wasn't used to being in the front of the class or explaining things to children. I spoke too fast. No time to hear the sentences. Words slurred and hard to hear. 

"Are you nervous when you are in front of the classroom," one of my co-teachers asked. 

I was nervous, and I was scared of the children. Afraid that they wouldn't like me, that they would stare at me and not participate in class. When I walked into the classroom, students were often surprised to see me. They say, "WOW!" and "Ooh!" and smile, their eyes follow me as I walk towards the smartboard. Their enthusiastic waves of hello and goodbye as I entered and left the classroom were cute mementos of the day. A few students have said I am pretty or cute or beautiful or that my curly hair intrigues them. Some students have drawn little versions of me or gave me gifts like a mooncake, a pomelo, or little snacks from their lunchboxes. Gifts are given because of the Moon Festival, a Taiwanese holiday that is celebrated on the 15th day of the 8th month on the lunar calendar. I have received so many mooncakes throughout the week. Mooncakes filled with red bean paste, nuts, chocolate, or fruit. 

Mooncake

I was surprised by how readily students accepted me as their English teacher. My students see me in the hallway or at restaurants or the 7-eleven's. They call me "老师," which means teacher. They love to give hugs; I get so many from my second graders. A little girl holds my wrist and walks me back to the teacher's office after I have taught her class. Another student greets me with a hug, and we do the heart hands, she holds half of the heart up and I connect the other half.  Three sixth grade students followed me once they found out I was their teacher. They are so cute, and I see why educators say they do this for the children, for the students. Seeing students light up from learning new material or bonding with me as a teacher really helps me through the more challenging days. Their eagerness to learn another language through different foods and festivities create a beautiful classroom dynamic.

Walking to Work

Jetlag was an adjustment that I didn't know I was experiencing. I thought I was adjusted to living here within the first few days. I had been waking up at 6:30 a.m., having a slow morning with a cup of hot chocolate in hand and more than enough time to pack my lunchbox and prepare for the school day. I didn't know I would be jetlagged up until a week after my arrival until I began waking up to my alarm screeching at 7:30 a.m. with just enough time to get dressed and walk to school.

Another adjustment for me was Taiwan's push for healthy living. Taiwan loves multiple flights of stairs. I am not missing out on cardio. I walk to the elementary school in the morning-- about a 10-minute walk. From there, I walk up three flights of stairs to the third teachers' office. Going up and down the stairs for the 17 different classrooms I co-teach in (I usually have two to three classes a day, with the exception of five classes for two days out of the week). Sometimes, I will walk in the afternoons back to my apartment, taking a pit stop at 7-eleven to get snacks. Most of the places I go to are within a 15-minute walking distance. That's a plus for living on the island of Kinmen County (Jinmen) compared to other counties where ETAs are an hour and a half from the city. The island is so small that you can make it to the other side in less than 30 minutes (via a scooter)!

I like how small the island is. It feels like Mississippi. Warm, inviting-- weather wise and people wise. The humidity hits hard on some days, and I sweat more than usual now. I like the way the sky looks throughout the day-- the baby blue and periwinkle clouds sprinkled around the sky when it is blue and yellow, the sun ablaze above. People are polite even when I only know how to say thank you correctly in Mandarin. They cheer as I say it after our entire interactions were them speaking and asking questions and me nodding my head. 

I didn't bring a lot of stuff, even though my two suitcases were stuffed full of toiletries, clothes, shoes, and a few sentimental knickknacks. Those few sentimental items remind me of home, and I get a little homesick from time to time. I do miss my family and trying new restaurants with them. There are a few places here I think they would enjoy. I miss seeing my friends at their workplaces for events or just to see them. I'm a little surprised to be homesick this early, but so much happened that first week. It was a whirlwind. I had up and left Mississippi to be here-- wanting to be on the other side of the world to see what truly matters to me. I had talked to different people about not knowing if I was going to make it to Taiwan, how stupid I looked and felt, how vulnerable I was to any comment or concern about my departure. From looking at the same walls of my home, alma mater, and favorite coffee shop in Mississippi to looking at the new walls of my apartment, work desk, and favorite 7-eleven in Kinmen. 

There wasn't much to be shocked about. I had been a minority. Also, I knew it was on a rare occasion for some students, even those on the island, to see a Black person. One of last year's ETAs at this elementary school was a Black woman, and some students asked if I'm her little sister. I was used to looking different from the main demographic, but the biggest difference was that it is rare to even see White people on the island. When someone told me that, I was shocked. Being a little different from the norm-- that didn't scare me-- but sometimes the looks in passing when I walked down the street or into a store were be a bit much. It was curiosity. Oftentimes, I would smile and give a polite wave, and they would smile and give an enthusiastic wave back. I thought to myself, What would I do if I had never seen a Black person before? I probably would look the same way. Coming from a state where Asians made up only one percent of the population, I was as curious to see them as they were of me. 

The main culture shock was my southern accent making its presence known. It comes out a lot more than it does back home. I can even see my southern accent in the way I write sentences. Words that didn't have a southern twang to them carry some drawl now. It haunts me. My roommate from Pennsylvania jokes and mocks my accent. I taught them "Oh, shucky ducky now" as a phrase for excitement to which they blinked and laughed, "What's going on down there in the South?" We laugh as we share our experiences growing up in the cities of Jackson, MS and Philadelphia, PA.

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So far, my time here has been worthwhile although I had more adjusting to do than expected. I am learning more beautiful and complex things about myself and teaching and living abroad. But most importantly, I learned how to pivot. I had to pivot and work with what I had. It can be overwhelming, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed. Like my Pennsylvanian roommate would say, "You've only been here for a day" when I felt like I wasn't being a good co-teacher. I could have spiraled about the feelings and emotions I felt and feel, but that spiral didn't create my Canva presentations. It didn't make friends with my cohort or my roommates. It didn't wake me up in the morning and make my cup of hot chocolate. I pivoted through the overwhelm, and I got into the role as co-teacher. I was nervous, but I became comfortable. I struggled, but I kept going. Even my co-teachers are seeing progress because there is a learning curve in teaching.

I continued because that was the only way things would get done and I wouldn't be behind. Continuing keeps me improving, and improving is growing, and that is all I can do-- continue to grow.

To more adventures!

Brittany ~